I had Babies and Yes, I Changed - So What?

Baby Florence, 9 weeks old. Photo by Emily Raftery Photography.

Baby Florence, 9 weeks old. Photo by Emily Raftery Photography.

I remember being 7 months pregnant with Willow, sitting at dinner with girlfriends and listening to one of them say to another "I love that, even though you've had a baby you're not different at all, you're still just as fun as you always were." 

And now I'm a Mum, I'm still fun too...sometimes. But since I had my girls, my priorities have shifted. Okay not so much my priorities, but more what I have time for. Generally my time is allotted in this order - Look after the kids (blog a bit), make sure husband is functioning (ask him about blog), keep house tidy (while instagramming stuff for the blog) brush hair (while reading email about the blog). Run household stuff - kindy admin, pay bills, get petrol, feed hoards etc, exercise or get some time for myself (forget it, I'll just work on the blog).

Somewhere at the end of this list goes "Remember to actually talk to your friends who love and support you". I'm working on bumping them above the 'do housework' column - but I know they understand. 

Here's a few things that no longer make the list since I had kids: 

Fish for compliments, get sucked into other people's drama, make things in my own life a bigger drama than they are, listen to people's opinions who don't love and support me, talk smack about my body, think bad thoughts about my body, SAVE people who don't want to help themselves (this was a very hard habit to break), watch terrible things on the news that make me cry. And I am certainly not trying to pretend that I am still in my twenties and carefree and fun. I'm not always fun, because I'm busy! And my idea of fun has changed, give me an enormous glass of wine and some time on my friend's couch watching a movie and I'm in heaven. Staying out until 4am? Not so much. We have enough pressure trying to wade through our busy lives looking like we have our shit together without worrying about if we're still fun. Please. I'm dressed, give me props for that. 

Being a parent has changed me forever. I wasn't one of those Mums who saw her baby and went "Ohhh I love you you sparkly magic thing, we are forever bonded!" I was more "Ohhhh that sucked. That sucked so much. Oh yeah, there's a baby! Hey there, woah what do I do with you. Um okay, you seem nice, lets hang out lots and see where this goes." I think my undivided love began when my c-section scar stopped hurting, but it's okay, I have it now. 

The changes in me have gone further than becoming a Mummy. Because I know how precious time is I am more motivated, I am more driven, and I have certainly realised that life is too short to waste it doing something I don't love. I've discovered a passion for connecting with other women and making them feel great about themselves and remembered how much I love fashion - although there were a couple of years of Mummy fog and track-pants wearing to wade through  first! 

Occasionally I still dream of my old life where I could pee on my own, go out for the day without thinking about when I needed to be home, and SLEEP IN. I also miss my pre baby boobs every now and again. But for the most part I am so much happier with the motivated, caring and hopefully far more thoughtful person I am now. 

I've changed and that's more than okay. If what you're hearing from your friends is "You've changed" just know as long as you are feeling happy and the things that matter to you are your priority, then that's okay. Maybe you haven't just changed, maybe you've grown. 

xxx

Monique

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